Can you believe it? I’m 14 today! My people keep saying I’m just 2 years old today, but I know that the only real way to count years is in dog years. Plus, being a teenager is so much cooler than being a toddler, don’t you think? Most rescue dogs don’t know their actual birthdates, but the nice lady who scooped me up and saved me when I was just a puppy said I was between five and six weeks old when she found me over Labor Day weekend in 2010.
I haven’t heard from the Mayor or the Governor yet today, but I assume they’re going to officially declare July 27 as Roxy Pelham Day. I’m pretty patient. I can wait.
Anyway, thanks in advance to all of my fans for sending along the birthday greetings and gifts. Since I have everything a girl could possibly want, feel free to order a copy of “Roxy’s Forever Home” in honor of my special day. Even though I hadn’t planned to lift a paw today, I will happily sign your copy in between my mani-pedi and my well-deserved naps.
Even though it’s summer, and I’ve been told I have no school visits until September, I’ve been invited to several appearances over the past couple of weeks at local libraries. Sure, I love meeting the kids and being the center of attention, but I had thought a famous girl like me could spend the summer in the Hamptons or someplace where other important, famous dogs vacation.
Can’t you just picture me lounging by the pool with Martha Stewart’s Sharkey and Francesca? Or mingling at a cocktail party with Jerry Seinfeld’s dog, Jose?
But noooo. I’m doing the public library circuit. It’s fine, really. I get to ride in the car without my annoying little brother. A zillion or so kids pet me and take my picture. And somebody always comes through with a treat.
Last week I spent a good hour sniffing these four kids, who smelled like they had a giant dog living in their house. I couldn’t identify the breed, but I could tell he was big.
Of course, I was right. They didn’t have money with them the day we met, and they couldn’t possibly leave without getting a copy of my awesome book, which, as you know, is all about me. So they promised to send a check and look what arrived in today’s mail: There’s a picture of them with a Mastiff.
I wonder if that big boy has a place in the Hamptons.
Things are kind of awkward around here these days. I don’t want to rub it in for Stuey, but I was recently awarded — for the second year in a row — Most Medium Dog in Farmington’s prestigious Doozy of a Dog Contest. While happily trotting up to retrieve my blue ribbon (which looks great with my eyes, by the way) I couldn’t help but feel bad for the slightly pathetic Stuey, who walked away with the dreaded second place red ribbon.
But I am, you know, famous. And Stuey? Well, he’s just a dog. Clearly, I am much more medium than he.
I do know how he feels, though. On that same fateful evening I was given a second ribbon, and I’m not especially proud of it. As you know, my expressive eyes are two of my best assets. But the contest judges declared that my eyes weren’t fabulous enough to win first or even second place. I’ve tried to jump high enough to grab the hideous reminder of my third place “honor” from the refrigerator so I can properly chew it up, but I can’t reach it.
Back to happier thoughts, I do wish to thank my many fans for their support. I never could have won the Most Medium Dog award without the backing of my fellow dogs and children who find me irresistible.
You like me! You really like me!
Like Paris Hilton and Katie Holmes, my appearances in public are well documented and photographed. Of course, I don’t mind the attention, and am happy to pose for pictures with kids and my many admirers.
But yesterday? Sheesh.
We were fortunate enough to be invited to the Hill-Stead Farmer’s Market, where we met tons of nice people and sold lots of books. But the heat was a bit much. Sure, I’m a Tennessee girl, but nobody’s going to have a good fur day on a with that much humidity.
Fortunately, this coming week will be spent where I belong: In air-conditioned comfort. My human mom booked us three book signings and readings at local libraries this week, and I’m really looking forward to meeting all of those kids and helping spread the word about dog rescue. (She also talks to kids about writing, but I usually try to catch a quick nap during that portion of the program.)
Here’s where we’ll be for free programs this week:
Tuesday, 7/17, 7 p.m. — Berlin-Peck Memorial Library, Berlin
Wednesday, 7/18, 2 p.m. — Simsbury Public Library, Simsbury
Thursday, 7/19, 3 p.m. — Levi E. Coe Library, Middlefield
Please come! Since I’ve insisted that these libraries all set their thermostats at a cool 72 degrees, feel free to come meet us and photograph my best side. Oh, who are we kidding? I look good from any angle.
The Invisible Fence, otherwise known as The Zone of Pain, is just above the place on the driveway where the Hartford Courant guy drops the paper every morning. I’ve heard that some dogs will fetch the paper for their humans, but every time I try I get zapped.
But this week, the newspaper guy must have been on vacation, since the paper was tossed way up on our front steps. Sadly, my human mom managed to distract me each morning with a bowl of food, and I hadn’t had a chance to try this fetching thing.
I guess she wanted to eat her Cheerios without me bugging her for a change of pace, so this morning she let me out before she got the paper, and I totally fetched it! I am the best fetcher ever!
When she noticed how great of a job I did, she didn’t tell me I was a good boy, though. Hmm. She must not have had her coffee yet. I’m going to go see what else I can fetch.
I’m really not trying to steal anybody’s thunder. I’m just a little brown dog who will do anything for a treat. And I mean anything.
Because of my uncontrolled obsession with dog treats, my ability to steal entire packages of raw hamburger meat from the counter, and my skill of tearing apart any stuffed animal in less than 15 minutes, I am well qualified to write this section of the blog. I’ll bring you important, late-breaking news about awesome chew toys and dog treats. I really don’t care if they’re organic or free range, but my human mom seems to think that’s important. Whatever.
I’m also here to encourage you to buy a book: http://www.roxysforeverhome.com. I totally get it that the book is not about me. Heck, I’m not even in the book. But I do know that the money raised by selling these admittedly gorgeous books will go directly to the nice people who saved Roxy and me. Did you know that I was found in a ditch, up to my neck in freezing-cold water? Life wasn’t looking too good for me until this nice lady named Melissa wrapped me up and got me all warm and cozy. (Maybe that’s why I hate the water.)
So, not only will you get to give someone a nice children’s book, you’ll help Melissa save more awesome dogs like me. The best part? Those boxes of books in our garage are totally blocking my access to the place my humans keep the bag of dog food. Once those books are gone, Roxy and I will be living large.
Nice to meet you! Got any treats in your pocket?
I know what you’re thinking. No, not that I’m a dog and I can’t possibly write my own blog. Of course I can. No, you’re thinking that I’m becoming too much of a diva. First my human mom writes a book about me (me!), then she brings me to a bunch of awesome TV interviews, and then she starts taking me to schools where — can you guess who’s the star — me!
But I swear I’m not becoming a diva. Sure, I got my own Facebook page well before I turned 13. And I do eat that expensive dog food the veterinarian recommends. But there is one thing guaranteeing that I will remain a regular, ordinary dog: My annoying little brother, Stuey.
Just weeks before my book — all about me, by the way — was set to arrive, Stuey burst on the scene.
“Ooh, look how cute and tiny he is,” people would say. Ugh. Really? As if tiny is something of which to be proud. I’ll have you know I won “Most Medium Dog” at last year’s Doozy of a Dog Show here in Farmington. (By the way? In Farmington? Everybody knows me. Nobody knows Stuey. Just sayin’.)
Anyway, back to me. I have big plans for this here blog. I’ll keep my fans posted on my whereabouts, letting you in on secrets to getting into the best, trendiest and most exclusive dog parks. Plus, I’ll keep you up-to-date on my upcoming book signings and appearances. Not that it’s going to be all about me. Well, maybe a little.