Stuey Will Chew No Slippers Before Their Time

I’ve got my eyes on these slippers.

They’re brand new, just arrived in a box, delivered by the guy who wears the brown clothes and pretends to like me.

But they’re not quite ready yet. I chewed a pair just like these not long after I arrived here earlier this year. Those were awesome. My mom wore them all the time, so they smelled fantastic. Mmm.

When they were replaced with a new pair I didn’t wait long enough and chewed them too early. Don’t get me wrong: They were a satisfying chew. But they didn’t really stink very much. They hadn’t quite aged properly.

So now we’re on to the third pair (available at llbean.com for $79 — or “79 freaking dollars” as my mom said. Could she be mad about this? Hmm.)

But I will wait. I’ll be like one of those dogs who can sit there with a treat on his snout and not eat it until his owner says “OK.” Yeah, I’ll be just like that.

I want those slippers so bad. But I know that if I can wait even just another month they’ll smell like my mom’s feet, which is one of the best smells out there.

I can do this. I have patience. Just you watch.